Neurodivergent couples and families can care deeply about one another and still repeatedly miss each other. ADHD, autism, AuDHD, sensory differences, nervous-system overload, and different communication styles can turn ordinary family moments into chronic misunderstanding. The work is not about deciding who is the problem. It is about understanding the wiring in the room and building ways of communicating that fit the actual people in it.
When one partner's ADHD means they didn't register that the sigh was a signal, and the other partner's autistic communication style means they said "I'm fine" when they meant "I'm not fine," the result isn't a character problem. It's a translation problem. The same interaction that reads as carelessness or coldness from one angle is genuinely invisible or confusing from the other.
Research on what's called the "double empathy problem" reframes this: communication difficulties between neurodivergent and neurotypical partners — or between two neurodivergent partners with different profiles — are mutual and bidirectional. Neither person is failing. Both people are working from different processing systems, and the mismatch is real.
I work from an explicitly neurodiversity-affirming framework in couples work, which means the goal is never to make either partner more neurotypical. The goal is to build a shared understanding of how each person is actually wired, and to find communication and connection strategies that work for the real people in the room — not the hypothetical neurotypical couple most therapy frameworks assume.
In practice, this often means: getting explicit about implicit expectations, building communication structures that don't rely on hint-and-signal, understanding how each partner's nervous system affects their capacity on any given day, and separating neurological patterns from relational intent. "I didn't hear you" and "I don't care about you" are not the same statement — but they feel the same if you don't understand what's actually happening.
I see couples and families where one or more people are autistic, have ADHD, are AuDHD, gifted, or have different neurodivergent profiles. I also work with relationships that are reorienting after a new diagnosis or a new understanding of a family member. Standard sessions are $250 for 60 minutes; extended 90-minute couples or family sessions are $275.
A note on mixed-neurotype couples: Some of the most common difficulties arise in relationships where one partner is neurodivergent and the other is not — or where partners have different neurodivergent profiles. Understanding the difference between deliberate behavior and neurological default is often where the most significant shift happens.
Family sessions can be especially useful when several people in the household are neurodivergent and everyone is trying to regulate, communicate, and recover at the same time. A family can become organized around avoiding the next escalation — walking on eggshells, over-explaining, interrupting, shutting down, or trying to solve the problem before anyone is regulated enough to solve it.
In family work, we slow the interaction down and make the invisible parts visible: nervous-system states, sensory load, communication preferences, repair attempts, demand sensitivity, and the assumptions each person is making about everyone else's intent. The goal is not perfect calm. It is a family that can recognize what is happening sooner, de-escalate more effectively, and repair without shame.
In person in Newport Beach · Telehealth throughout California
$250 / 60 minutes · $275 / 90 minutes · Superbills available